Don't be a lawyer
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Twenty years old, pretty smart kid
Didn't know what I wanted to do
So I took the LSAT*
And then just like that
Got accepted at Glendale U*
Everyone said it was a real safe bet
A prestigious and lucrative vocation
So I set out on a journey
To become an attorney
Without a moment's hesitation
But here's some free advice I'm givin'
When it comes to decidin' what to do for a livin'
Don't be a lawyer!
Don't do it!
Quickest way to ruin your life
Don't be a lawyer!
Not worth it!
It'll leave you dead inside
The job is inherently crappy*
That's why you've never met a lawyer who's happy
It's a guaranteed soul destroyer
Don't be a lawyer
Law school debt*
Daily regret
Is that what you dreamed of as a kid?
Or did you hope one day
That you'd find a way
To spend four years workin' on a pharmaceutical company's merger* with another pharmaceutical company?
Your only expertise
Is runnin' up fees*
Speakin' legalese* like a dick
But it's not too late
To avoid this fate
Find any other job to pick
Sure, your parents might think you're a failure
But no one's ever said, "First, let's kill all the tailors."*
Don't be a lawyer!
I'm serious, it really, really sucks
Don't be a lawyer!
No one you work with looks like Ally McBeal*
There are so many other professions
That don't turn you into Jeff Sessions*
Just say no to the lawyer employer
No, don't be a lawyer
What about human rights law?
No money, no, no money
Immigration law?
No money, plus it's a bummer
Okay, but what if one day you make it to the Supreme Court*?
It'd be great to be on the Supreme Court
But you'll never be on the Supreme Court
There's truly no chance of that happenin'
The preceding song in no way reflects the views of CBS and the CW network
Ah, screw it
See? Don't be a lawyer!
footnotes:
LSAT = Law Shool Admition Test, an exam you need to pass in order to study law in the US
Glandale U =Glandale University, in Glendale California
crappy = bad
Law School debt - higher education in the US is extremely expensive, most students need to take out special student loans to study and end up with a lot of debt
merger = when two companies are joined to form one big company (fuzja)
runing up fees = charging people more than you should for your services
legalese = complicated language used by lawyers (żargon prawniczy)
First, let's kill all the tailors.: reference to one of the characters in Shakespeare's play Henry VI saying "First thing we do, lets kill all the lawyers", this line is referenced a lot in popculture
Ally McBeal - the main character in a legal comedy drama which was shown on TV around the year 2000
Jeff Sessions - attorney and polititian connected with Donald Trump and the Republican Party, a lot of contoversy surrounded him when he was in office
Supreme Court - the highest court in the US which makes decisions connected to constitutional rights
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